In which I am feverish and play badly with others

Me: *lying on my bed, netbook in hand, barking*

Gwen: *freaking out by the bed, barking back at me*

Joe: *comes down the hall, looks in* James May's Toy Stories is coming on in a little bit.

Me: I'm feverish and I'm too cranky to play with other people.

Joe: Is that why you're barking at the dog?

Me: She started it!

Joe: *amused* Do I have to separate you two?

Me: I think she wants to go outside.

Gwen: *perks up*


Moral of the story:
I am the Dog Whisperer. I'm just a feverish, unpleasant dog whisperer who would prefer to bark back at my pets until someone else takes notice than move.