bodlon | and in the darkened underpass (Reply)

WordPress, my blogging platform of choice, uses plugins to add functionality. Some of those plugins are innately useful, like tools for sending posts to other platforms (like LiveJournal and Dreamwidth), or tracking usage statistics.

Others are slightly less useful, like the Hello Dolly plugin that displays a single, random line from -- you guessed it -- Hello Dolly in the upper right-hand corner of my WordPress Dashboard.

I had to smile at the one that came up when I went to start this post: "It's so nice to have you back where you belong."

The last couple of weeks have seen me struggling a lot to keep my moods in order. In preparation for surgery I've gotten back in touch with my past therapist. That's meant confronting how the end of that played out. I kind of dropped off the face of the Earth because I was the only income in the house and couldn't afford to pay to see her any longer. It's awkward, there's money involved, and I feel vulnerable and imperfect on top of feeling guilty because that's how things work in my head.

My therapist, obviously, is a magnificent human being. I trust her. But wow, my issues with authority figures and gatekeepers are in full force. Also, did I mention there's money involved? Yeah.

Still, I believe that in the long run I will be glad I did this. This is a bridge I've wanted to mend pretty much since I ran screaming, and it will be good to find some resolution there.

But back to the whole thing with Hello Dolly.

Today was a good day in a patch of days that have been hard for me. I had time where I didn't feel tense or ill at ease, where I had what felt like space of my own, and I was productive. These are all things I've been needing pretty acutely of late. Without them, I lose my ability to keep things on an even keel. For just a while today, I was very much back where I belong.

And then, of course, I undid it all by watching Agora. It was a beautiful film, but it also left me feeling sad and angry for the better part of its 126 minute running time because fanatics -- political, religious, or ideological -- upset me terribly and ruin everything. Agora is nothing if not a film about fanatics doing just that. Kind of in all directions. If I needed to spend 120 minutes watching fanatics destroy the things I love, I'd turn to a certain cable news channel.

~*~

This is the part where links make everything better:

- My friend Waldo is in some difficult financial straits -- underemployed, sick pets, having to jump through ridiculous hoops to get work -- and could use some help. If you've got some extra cash and like shiny things, check out her Etsy shop. Even a small purchase will help her make ends meet right now.

- I have another friend who's a fiber artist, and she's recently created a charity colorway. For a little while, I'll be one of the two beneficiaries, with those funds going toward my surgery fund. You should check out her Etsy shop regardless, but the magical charity yarn is Tollere, Sustuli.

- Every so often I'll be catching up on things in Google Reader after a period of letting things stack up and get caught off guard. This post over at Smart Bitches is winning in terms of all-time WTF. I'm not even going to look for an explanation. The surreality of the whole thing is its own reward. (Be sure to click "More, More, MORE!" to see what I'm talking about.)

- If ever you needed evidence that modern paganism has become a global phenomenon, this post at The Wild Hunt about an upcoming festival in Israel ought to suffice nicely.

- If you don't read Badass of the Week, you're missing out. Sure, the criteria for badass can be...limited...and the tone is deliberately rough, but some of these posts are staggering.

- An interesting strategy for getting things done, presented anachronistically.

- Some of you may know that I've published an essay that touches on both my own relationship with depression and the work of the late David Foster Wallace. I've been mulling a follow-up piece for a couple of months now, and then today I stumbled across this article about Wallace's library. I'm almost certainly not in any condition to really engage this material right now, but I'm taking it as a sign to start thinking about it.

- I had reason to re-read JFK's speech about his religion from the 1960 election this week. It makes me wish fervently that the America he spoke of felt closer than it does. That's the America I believe in.

This post has been mirrored from Christian A. Young's Dimlight Archive. To see it in its original format, visit dimlightarchive.com